Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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