I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
