I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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