Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
