Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize