this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
