I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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