it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
