So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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