Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
