i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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