Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
