"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
