And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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