The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
