i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
you never un-have a 4some
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
