Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
