You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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