can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
