2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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