if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
where does the pee come out of this thing
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
