just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
