i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
