do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
