Whod you bang
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
