Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
3 2 1 whiskey
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
