Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
