Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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