I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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