Your tits are I can't wait for
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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