Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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