i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
