are you so shy because you have an std?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize