He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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