how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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