Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
