He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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