Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It's like God shit irony all over that family
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
