I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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