my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
this beer tastes like vomit already
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
