kristin has been a bad kristin
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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