and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
