GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
