I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
she peed on how many people?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
