I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
