the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
