I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
