I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
