remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I need to calm my uterus...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
