Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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