I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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