omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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