I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize