He kissed a someone with a penis
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize