Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
