You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
