You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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