i think my tv is drunk
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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