Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
