Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
