Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
