the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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