why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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