Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
