It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
