shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
