okay pat passed out under dana's car
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
