so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
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