you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
