Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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