His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
