just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
