I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
